How To Kill Orochimaru
by Princess Schatje Dreamer
Summary: Short little thing that i came up with in 20 min... Pretty much how Orochimaru could have met his end. First in 'How To Kill' series


**Orochimaru's Lair**

"Aaah Sasuke, I see you have finally arrived."

"Yes Orochimaru, I have."

Wow. What a scene to walk in on. A gay emo-boy and a pedophile … Yea. Fascinating.

Truly.

No sarcasm at all present in my voice. Honestly.

"Come Sasuke! I must show you around my grand complex!" Quietly muttering "I cant believe it took so long though … You wouldn't _believe_ how hard it is to find enough people willing to dig for no benefits …"

Author pauses and rereads what she has typed. She imagines a decrepit cave with worms visibly squirming along the walls and broken rotted furniture. _Grand complex_? In your dreams … if you're not too busy with little boys … *shudder*

**~*&*~**

Meanwhile back in Konoha, there was no mental scarring going on … well, no more then usual anyway …

"OH WHAT _YOUTHFULNESS_ YOUR STUDENT HAS SHOWN MY ETERNAL RIVAL!! HE WENT OFF ON AN _HONOURABLE MISSION_ TO PREVENT UNYOUTHFULLNESS AND EVEN NOW HE REFUSES TO GIVE UP!!! I WILL AID YOUNG NARUTO IN ANY WAY I CAN TO HELP HIM FULFILL HIS MISSION, AND IF NOT, I WILL HOP (1) _TWO-THOUSAND TIMES_ AROUND KONOHA! IF I CAN NOT, I WILL DO A THOUSAND PUSHUPS AND A THOUSAND CRUNCHES AND A THOUSAND …" Gai continued his rant. You know the one, filled with exclamations of youth and what _should be_ impossible challenges …

Everyone else present in the room turned to look at Naruto, who was about to jump out of the window to make his quick escape.

"Errr … I'm just … Looking at the view?" he managed to utter with the considerable killer-intent the kunoichi in the room were focusing on him.

Strangely, none of his fellow males made fun of him for such a lame excuse. Well, _not_ so 'strangely' considering that they were too busy cowering … it wasn't even focused on them …

Tsunade sighed. "I'll talk to you later Naruto, for now, get into bed." A few of the males in the room looked tempted to wolf-whistle or some-such, but a glare from the Godaime was more than enough to silence them. For now.

Maybe.

Possibly.

... Don't hold your breathe …

**~*&*~**

**The Next Day**

**~*&*~**

"Tell me, Sasuke, how did your fight with that Uzumaki brat go?"

"I, of course, was able to dominate the fight."

"Of course."

"Although … there is one thing that strikes me now …"

"Oh?"

"Yes. How is it that he managed to becomes so powerful so quickly? That kind of power belongs to me!!"

"… Huh?"

But Sasuke was too busy in his own world, ranting of the 'injustice' of a dobe having all that power, when he, the last Uchiha, needed it to kill his brother and thus avenge the clan … blah blah blah.

"Oh, you mean to say that the brat used the Kyuubi's chakra?"

…

…

…

_…_

…

…

Odd looks abound, apparently.

So much for a ninja's famed ability to bounce back, adjust to new information and accept the constantly changing nature of their missions …

"The Kyuubi was sealed within Naruto all those years ago by the Yondaime, to save the village. No one can kill a biju, its folly to think anyone could."

Sasuke just looked at Orochimaru. _That would explain quite a bit about the dobe_ … he mused.

Suddenly, an alarm went of in the 'Grand Complex'.

In a rather chaotic series of event, a Konoha hunter-nin managed to sneak up on Orochimaru and …

**~*&*~**

**Hokage's Office**

Tsunade stopped and reread the report in front of her.

She blinked a few times.

Shook her head.

Read it again.

Gulped some sake.

And again.

Pinched herself.

Looked again.

…

Nope.

Still there.

Suddenly, she laughed. Deep loud belly-laughs coloured with a twinge of hysteria.

Orochimaru was dead. Because he broke the Sandaime's Law (2) and a hunter-nin was nearby.

A hunter-nin killed her old teammate.

She poured herself another dish.

"Oi! Shizune! Give this hunter-nin a raise, will ya?! They have done Konoha a great service!" she started to chuckle again… "Oh sensei, you would _love_ this…"

**~*&*~**

(1) Because running with two legs is too common and overrated, ya know …

(2)The Sandaime's law – the one that pretty much says 'ill kill your ass dead if you tell the younger generation (or anyone who doesn't know already) that Naruto has Kyuubi sealed in his lil' wee belly'

DISCLAIMOUR: I do NOT own anything for Naruto... if I did, well, lets just say that it would be verry.... odd. Like unrecognisable from what it is. Ya get me?

I got this random idea I had while reading… just how effective was the sandaime's law? How was it enforced? And after his death? What then? Those loyal nin are pretty scary at times O.O

I thought about how immediate breaking such a law would be … and the reactions to it.

This, as you can tell, is the result. Not bad for 20 minutes of work … ^^

Seeing as this is my second published work... let loose and tell me how you feel,

Ja ne


End file.
